Sunday, November 10, 2013

Is There Time in Your Schedule for Sex?

Sex (or should I say lack of it) is one of the big frustrations of married men. One reason is we don't plan for it. We've fallen into the romantic-fantasy mindset that it should be spontaneous—it should just happen. We certainly don't make our daily schedule around it. Below is what has been my weekday schedule for most of my married life:

I'd get home from work about 7 every evening; eat supper; and then...whatever. I'm a natural night owl, so staying up till midnight was never a problem. Often I stayed up till well after midnight, because I was so engrossed in what I was doing—reading, television, browsing the internet, or my latest project.

I'd go to bed at midnight (or later) and awoke to the alarm clock at 7:30 in the morning. With only a half hour to shower, shave, and dress before I hit the road for work at 8:00.

At 7:00 PM I'd be back home again, and the cycle would repeat. Even though that 5 hour block seems like a lot of time, the reality is (1) I was trying to cram too much into it, because it was my only free time, and (2) I often ended up wasting my time on useless pursuits like television, because I was tired when I came home and just wanted to crash.

I came to realize that there was no time in my daily schedule where intimacy with my wife was convenient (much less routine). Intimacy was more like something that intruded on my (and our) schedule. So, earlier this year I made changed my schedule.

I still come home at 7:00, but I've limited that block of home time to 2 hours. I eat and then do...whatever—talk to my wife, do a few chores, pay bills—whatever.

At 9:00 I got to bed. That's right—bed. Notice I didn't say sleep though. What I actually do is go get a quick shower, shave, and brush my teeth. By 9:15 I'm in bed reading.

At 10:00 I got to sleep. Lights out, head on the pillow sleep.

At 5:30 I'm up, and because I actually got enough sleep getting up is not difficult. I use this two hour block of time for those projects and interests I used to stay up after midnight working on.

At 7:30 it's shower etc. and off to work.

How has this affected my sex life? My wife has started conforming her schedule to mine. She's getting in bed at 9 also, which has made physical intimacy easy, convenient, and...routine.

Morning intimacy has also started happening (something that never happened on my old schedule). With fewer distractions in the morning (who watches TV at 6:00 AM?) there's more time for everything else—including sex.

Am I saying this schedule is the right one for everyone? No. What I am saying is to take a look at your current schedule and see if it contains any roadblocks or patterns that make regular sex with your wife inconvenient. If sex with your wife is a priority in your life, shouldn't your daily schedule reflect that priority?

1 comment:

  1. To quote Meg Ryan: "YES! YES! YES!"