MGTOW vs The Dones

American Christianity has its own “going their own way” movement: The Dones. They aren't done with Christianity, but they are done with the institutional church, or what is commonly known as “churchianity.”

John is every pastor’s dream member. He’s a life-long believer, well-studied in the Bible, gives generously, and leads others passionately.

But last year he dropped out of church. He didn’t switch to the other church down the road. He dropped out completely. His departure wasn’t the result of an ugly encounter with a staff person or another member. It wasn’t triggered by any single event.

John had come to a long-considered, thoughtful decision. He said, “I’m just done. I’m done with church.”¹

PAC-Man: The Passive-Aggressive Christian Man

Dr. Paul Glover, in his 2003 book No More Mr. Nice Guy, says nice guys are dishonest, secretive, manipulative, controlling, attracted to people that need fixing, and full of rage; they have difficulty setting boundaries and problems with intimate relationships; they fear conflict, blame others for their problems, fail to live up to their potential, and give to get.

Dr. Scott Wetzler, in his 1992 book Living With the Passive-Aggressive Male, says passive-aggressive men are dishonest, secretive, manipulative, controlling, attracted to people that need fixing, and full of rage; they have difficulty setting boundaries and problems with intimate relationships; they fear conflict, blame others for their problems, fail to live up to their potential, and give to get.

Glover states “Nice guys are passive-aggressive.” Wetzler states “...passive-aggressive men negotiate the world as 'nice guys' denying even the slightest hint of hostility or conflict.”

This is not a coincidence. Being a nice guy and being a passive aggressive man go hand in hand. Glover's and Wetzler's books are eerily similar. Even though their subjects are different and the approach from opposite directions, you can't help but get the feeling that they are describing the same person—because they are.

It's no secret that the modern Christian church has become a nice guy factory. What people have failed to realize is that it has also become a factory for producing passive-aggressive men. The nice guy personality turned out by churches is the one described in the above books—the one that goes hand in hand with being passive-aggressive.

When Pastors Lie

58% of evangelical leaders say tithing is not required of Christians.

That was the result of a survey done by the NAE (National Association of Evangelicals) of their members¹ (members here refers to the leaders of the various churches that belong to the NAE—the pastors who actually run the church). When was the last time you heard an evangelical church preach that tithing wasn't required? I can't think of a single instance. Every sermon I've heard on tithing has maintained that not only is tithing required, but to not tithe was the same as robbing God—a literal sin. The conclusion is obvious:

Jesus Said Follow Me

There are a plethora of phrases people use to describe their relationship with God: I am saved; I've given my soul to Christ; I love Jesus; I am a bride of Christ; I have placed my faith in Christ; I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ; or I'm born again.

I would like to suggest a simpler one; one found repeatedly in the Bible; one Jesus himself used:

     I follow Jesus Christ.

The Wife from Proverbs 5

When the wife from Proverbs is discussed, the one from Proverbs 31 jumps to everyone's mind. But, I want to talk about another wife—the wife from Proverbs 5.

Jesus Was Dangerous

Jesus wasn't crucified because he was a nice guy. He was crucified because the powers that be were afraid of him. He challenged them. He called them out and called them names. He refused to play along with their rules. He could not be controlled.

Gentle, Not Meek

Blessed [are] the meek: for they shall inherit the earth. (Mt 5:5 AV)

Christian men are taught not only to be meek, but that it is a sin to act otherwise. The problem is the modern definition of meek. Look up meek in a recent dictionary, and this is what you find:

Easily imposed on; submissive in disposition or nature; spineless or spiritless; compliant; tame; humble and not likely to complain, argue, or react strongly; deficient in spirit and courage; an obsolete word for gentle.

Notice the last definition: “an obsolete word for gentle.” The 1828 version of Webster's dictionary defines meek in this way:

Your Gifts Were Given to You, Not Your Pastor

Years ago our church choir had a guest soloist—a member of the church who normally didn't sing. He had a fantastic singing voice. When he was done the music leader said: “wasn't Dave great; can you believe he's been hiding his gift under a basket instead being part of the choir?” It was an obvious attempt to shame Dave into joining the choir.


God has given us all certain gifts—gifts to be used for the glory of God. Rather than talk about the nature of those gifts, I'd like to talk about a concept that appears along side them in the Bible: the body of Christ.

Marriage is Optional for Christians

There is tremendous pressure on Christian males to marry. Some suggest Christian men have an obligation to marry, and that those who don't are falling short of God's plan. Widespread in Christian culture is a feeling that there is something wrong with a man that doesn't marry, as is evidenced by this quote from a book endorsed by the Southern Baptist Convention leadership:

Game is Not a Four Letter Word For Christians

A grown man knows the world he lives in, and for the present, the world is Rome.

In the film Ben-Hur, Pontius Pilate gives this advice to an angry Judah Ben-Hur who, after climbing from slavery to the top of the Roman social order, has decided to turn his back on everything that is Rome. He returns a signet ring to Pilate (signifying his giving up his Roman citizenship), and declares his disgust for Rome and anything associated with it. It's a powerful scene. Pilate comes across as little more than an amoral pragmatist; Judah Ben-Hur seems courageous and principled.

Ephesians 5:21 is Not a Good Place to Start

One of the phrases I keep running into is "Ephesians 5:21 is a good place to start." Usually followed by a quote of the section.

Ephesians 5:21-33

21 subjecting yourselves to one another in the fear of Christ.

22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the assembly, being himself the savior of the body. 24 But as the assembly is subject to Christ, so let the wives also be to their own husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly, and gave himself up for it; 26 that he might sanctify it, having cleansed it by the washing of water with the word, 27 that he might present the assembly to himself gloriously, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without defect. 28 Even so husbands also ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. 29 For no man ever hated his own flesh; but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord also does the assembly; 30 because we are members of his body, of his flesh and bones. 31 “For this cause a man will leave his father and mother, and will be joined to his wife. The two will become one flesh.”? 32 This mystery is great, but I speak concerning Christ and of the assembly. 33 Nevertheless each of you must also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

But, 5:21 isn't a good place to start. It's like starting with the last line in the movie "Casablanca" ("Louie, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.") and ignoring the 90 minutes of dialog that came before it. You can't understand the last line, unless you understand what went before it. And, you can't understand 5:21 without knowing what went before it.