Is the Cube Farm the Meaning of Life?

I read an article describing a woman who was raising her daughter to be a mother—to marry young to a good man, have children, and spend her life raising her children.¹ The criticism of her was blistering. One theme continually popped up in comments: how can you waste your daughter's potential?

Potential? Potential to be what, exactly? A doctor, lawyer, or CEO; one of life's movers and shakers. There are a couple of problems with that attitude. For one, those types of careers are few and far between. Secondly, for most people (man or woman) the meaning of life won't be found on the job—it will be found at home in their families and in God.

How a Woman Can “Have It All”

In an earlier post¹⁰, I noted the modern feminist meme of women having it all. Unfortunately, not only does the feminist plan ensure women don't “have it all,” it ensures what they do have will be royally screwed up. From a man's perspective, this means they are awful (inferior, substandard, flawed) wife material.

Here is a different plan. One that allows women to achieve life's major goals and still be good choices as wives.

The Myth of the Egalitarian Marriage

My wife and I are equals. We share in all the decision making. Neither of us is the leader of the other.

The egalitarian view sounds so lovely. Two people living together in harmony. Neither having more authority in the relationship than the other and neither having more responsibility in the relationship than the other. Unfortunately, it's merely a utopian vision, because when a crisis occurs (when the metaphorical shit hits the fan) the egalitarian model breaks down.

Consider this scenario:

A married couple along with their two children are driving home from a weekend trip. As they round the corner their home comes into view. There are firetrucks and flashing lights. They simultaneously realize that their house has burned to the ground. One spouse emotionally melts down; turns to the other spouse; and with tears in their eyes and panic in their voice screams: “Oh my God! What are we going to do? Tell me, what are we going to do?”

Which spouse had the emotional meltdown?

Women Who Live Life in Reverse

When considering a woman as a wife, it's vital to understand how she views the various stages in her life and how she thinks they will play out over time, because her choices will affect how your life will play out also.

The modern feminist plan for how these years should be structured goes something like this:

A Christmas Carol on Marriage

There is a lot of hand wringing (particularly in Christian circles) over why young men today aren't marrying. The answer can be found in the classic A Christmas Carol, which contains a clear example of why men used to marry.

The Wife from Proverbs 5

When the wife from Proverbs is discussed, the one from Proverbs 31 jumps to everyone's mind. But, I want to talk about another wife—the wife from Proverbs 5.

Miscarriage Rates (NMAWOT)

When people discuss the difficulties of women over 30 having a child, the focus is always on fertility rates—how easy (or hard) it is for a woman to actually get pregnant. That's only part of the story. You also have to consider the ability of a woman to carry the child to term. The chart below shows the miscarriage rates for women by age¹.

Marriage is Optional for Christians

There is tremendous pressure on Christian males to marry. Some suggest Christian men have an obligation to marry, and that those who don't are falling short of God's plan. Widespread in Christian culture is a feeling that there is something wrong with a man that doesn't marry, as is evidenced by this quote from a book endorsed by the Southern Baptist Convention leadership:

Never Marry a Woman Over 30

I am not opposed to marriage, but I can see that the institution of marriage is in dire trouble. When something that starts with a promise of “till death do us part” ends in divorce over 50% of the time, it's broken. One of the reasons is the feminist meme that goes something like this:

Blah blah blah, and when I reach 30 blah blah blah.

There are a thousand variations on this meme, but they all have one thing in common: the belief that a woman can have it all. That prior to 30 she can live her life one way and pursue one set of goals, and that when she reaches 30 she can make a sudden turn and pursue an entirely different set of goals. The most common variant of this meme is this:

I'll go to college and get an education; I'll have a career and move up the corporate ladder; I'll explore my sexuality, and when I reach 30 I'll get married; I'll have a wonderful husband; I'll have children; I'll be a phenomenal mom and my life will be fantastic.

She can have it all, if she follows the plan. Unfortunately, the plan rarely works out. The plan is why 40% of female college graduates won't marry before they reach 40. The plan is why the divorce rate in America is over 50%. The plan is why marriage in America today is a disaster.

Ephesians 5:21 is Not a Good Place to Start

One of the phrases I keep running into is "Ephesians 5:21 is a good place to start." Usually followed by a quote of the section.

Ephesians 5:21-33

21 subjecting yourselves to one another in the fear of Christ.

22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the assembly, being himself the savior of the body. 24 But as the assembly is subject to Christ, so let the wives also be to their own husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly, and gave himself up for it; 26 that he might sanctify it, having cleansed it by the washing of water with the word, 27 that he might present the assembly to himself gloriously, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without defect. 28 Even so husbands also ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. 29 For no man ever hated his own flesh; but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord also does the assembly; 30 because we are members of his body, of his flesh and bones. 31 “For this cause a man will leave his father and mother, and will be joined to his wife. The two will become one flesh.”? 32 This mystery is great, but I speak concerning Christ and of the assembly. 33 Nevertheless each of you must also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

But, 5:21 isn't a good place to start. It's like starting with the last line in the movie "Casablanca" ("Louie, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.") and ignoring the 90 minutes of dialog that came before it. You can't understand the last line, unless you understand what went before it. And, you can't understand 5:21 without knowing what went before it.