MGTOW vs The Dones

American Christianity has its own “going their own way” movement: The Dones. They aren't done with Christianity, but they are done with the institutional church, or what is commonly known as “churchianity.”

John is every pastor’s dream member. He’s a life-long believer, well-studied in the Bible, gives generously, and leads others passionately.

But last year he dropped out of church. He didn’t switch to the other church down the road. He dropped out completely. His departure wasn’t the result of an ugly encounter with a staff person or another member. It wasn’t triggered by any single event.

John had come to a long-considered, thoughtful decision. He said, “I’m just done. I’m done with church.”¹

Another White Knight/Useful Idiot Learns a Lesson

Vivek Wadhwa, author of the book Innovating Women, has given up. He is no longer going to be an advocate for women in engineering.

Marie Harf, ISIS, and Alpha Bad-Boys

Marie Harf is the US State Department spokeswoman who has come under criticism for her statements that the way to defeat ISIS isn't with force, but rather social change—specifically to improve their economic prospects and give them good jobs. Even Chris Matthews, who normally throws softballs at the Obama administration, was flabbergasted.

Explanations for Harf's statement have ranged from her living in a bubble (and thus she naively thinks the whole world is similar to the the bubble she lives in) to a lack of core religious beliefs (and thus is unable to comprehend how powerful a force religion can be in someone's life). I'd like to approach this from a different angle: women's attraction to alpha bad-boys.

Women's "I Wish He Were Dead" Fantasy

This is another concept from Warren Farrell's Why Men Are They Way They Are. Farrell noticed a theme running through a number of romance novels. One where the heroine is flashdanced to success, and then the husband dies. Thus, leaving the widow financially independent and free to pursue her dreams and desires without the encumbrance of a husband.

Flashdancing Women

Warren Farrell in his book Why Men Are The Way They Are spends an entire chapter on what he calls “The Flashdance Phenomenon.” The analogy is based on the move Flashdance.

The movie is about a twentyish woman who works as a welder by day and an exotic dancer by night in a seedy club that is one-half step above a strip club. Her dream is to join the ballet. The only thing holding her back is lack of opportunity and money...plus the lifetime of ballet lessons and hard work she skipped.

The Football Player's Dilemma

In his book Why Men Are The Way They Are, Warren Farrell doesn't use this exact bit of jargon, but the example he uses is so clear that this phrase jumps to mind.

When a football player loses his position on the team, he seldom sees a cheerleader run off the field saying “Wait, I'm still cheering for you—I love your openness and vulnerability.” He notices, instead that she cheers for his replaceable part. He learns, on some level, that all heroes are replaceable parts.

...He is learning, subconsciously, that female support, nurturing, is conditional—it goes to the men on the playing field. Therefore her support is really pressure to keep performing.

Why Men Are The Way They Are

I have recently finished Warren Farrell's 1986¹ book Why Men Are The Way They Are. While Farrell's later books (particularly The Myth of Male Power) are more widely read, I found his this book to have some fascinating insights.

Written 30 years ago, Farrell had not yet (to use a modern analogy) “swallowed the red pill.” He was still trying to reconcile his lifelong feminist beliefs (he literally served on the board of the NYC chapter of NOW—The National Organization for Women) with what his research was revealing—and failing miserably.