Women's "I Wish He Were Dead" Fantasy

This is another concept from Warren Farrell's Why Men Are They Way They Are. Farrell noticed a theme running through a number of romance novels. One where the heroine is flashdanced to success, and then the husband dies. Thus, leaving the widow financially independent and free to pursue her dreams and desires without the encumbrance of a husband.

Farrell also found this “I wish he were dead” fantasy in advertisements.

The ad symbolizes the female twenty-first-century dilemma. A woman's fantasy has expanded to the point of expecting not only wealth, but enough wealth and control over her own life to have sex on her own terms. The dilemma is that the fantasy has expanded faster than has women's preparation to provide it for themselves. The ad appeals to the pull between the traditional part of many women, which wants a man to provide success, and the independent part, which fantasizes about control over her own sexuality, his sexuality, and even him. The traditional part of her is so furious at him for not providing success and sweeping her away (hence the anger in the “independent women” magazines) that his meager gifts must be met with with her “I wish he were dead” fantasy.

Does this recurring fantasy in women's media mean women want to kill their husbands in real life? No, but it does offer an insight. We have one advantage over Farrell: we have 30 years of hindsight to see how this fantasy has played out in marriage 2.0. Consider these facts about women's "I wish he were dead" fantasy:

1. The woman marries a man and acquires access to his wealth
2. The man dies (he exits her life)
3. The widow retains his wealth
4. The widow is now financially independent, and able to pursue her dreams and desires without the encumbrance of a husband

Now compare this to the “divorce fantasy” of marriage 2.0.

1. The woman marries a man and acquires access to his wealth
2. The woman divorces her husband (he exits her life)
3. The ex-wife retains his wealth (via alimony, child support, and division of joint property such as house, pension, stocks, and savings)
4. The ex-wife is now financially independent, and able to pursue her dreams and desires without the encumbrance of a husband

The male death fantasy Farrell noted in his book, is a woman's fantasy to be rid of her husband without consequences to herself. In fiction this can take the form of the husband's death. In reality, the easiest route for a woman to achieve this fantasy is to divorce her husband. The law over the last 30 years has made it easier and easier for women to pursue this option. Today's judicial system has enshrined  women's "I wish he were dead"fantasy into divorce law.